guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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