Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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