Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
