Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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