so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
