I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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