she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
