i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize