Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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