just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
