remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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