I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
