I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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