That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
