i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
