Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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