I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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