dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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