i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
