Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
