Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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