i wish my penis had a tongue
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
