Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
