Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
