saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
