Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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