I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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