I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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