I heard we made out
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
