i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
