Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
