let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
