can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
