There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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