glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
