dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
