He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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