Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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