do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
