she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
