Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
