he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
