i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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