Someone shit on the floor
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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