Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
