There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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