STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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