I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
