I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize