maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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