i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
