"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
did i walk over a car last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
