She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
