So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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