I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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