Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
