We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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