Can i not drive my cunt home
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
