have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
