if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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