The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
