You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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