i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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