Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
