All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i drank out of a bidet.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
