Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
