My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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