I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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