That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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