47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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