i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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